The Emotional Side of Relocating: What No One Tells You About Moving
Today, I’m going to share why moving to a new city feels so scary. If you're anything like me, you've had a period in your life when you were thinking about moving. And even though deep down, you knew it was the right move, you may have struggled to actually follow through with it or it took you months to finally do it.
Safe to say: moving is scary! I’ve done it four times, moving back and forth between various Canadian cities, and all of that was still within the same country. Every time I moved, despite knowing I wanted to, I struggled to pull the trigger. It often required some other life-changing event to push me, whether it was being accepted to post-secondary school, losing my corporate job, loneliness, or giving up on Toronto’s housing market.
Whatever the case was, I recognized that actually following through with the decision to move is a massive step. It’s something only people who’ve left their city can really understand. When you think about it, you're not just leaving your city…you’re leaving your friends, your family, your familiarity, and heading into the unknown.
I want to explain why it's so difficult to make the move and share the mental struggle people often forget about.
Why Moving Feels Scary
Let’s talk about why moving feels so scary. It starts with the emotional fear of the unknown. According to the Harvard Business Review, we’re basically wired to fear uncertainty. Whether it’s switching jobs, asking someone out, or moving cities, it’s all nerve-wracking. But here’s what we miss: uncertainty and possibility are often two sides of the same coin.
Before moving back to Calgary, I struggled for months in Toronto trying to decide. Logically, I knew that affording to live in Toronto long-term felt like a losing battle. Homeownership there seemed like something only Mr. Beast could help me with. Yet I was still scared to come back to Calgary because of how I felt about it the first time I lived there.
Even when I was living in my hometown of Winnipeg, I noticed three types of people:
People who romanticized the city too much (“Yeah Frank, Winnipeg’s the best! We’ve got the best restaurants and so much to do.”)
People who were too familiar and said, “Yeah this city sucks, but it’s affordable, my family’s here, life is great.”
People who were just stuck.
Starting from scratch is daunting. Sure, the place you’re going might sound better on paper. Maybe there’s more money and more opportunity, but it doesn’t always mean much when you don’t have community, friends, or family there. It can shake your identity.
Embracing relocation depression
It’s normal to feel excited when you move. Everything feels fresh and full of possibility, but after 6 to 12 months, that newness fades. You settle into old patterns again. This is known as the hedonic treadmill: the idea that even after a major life change, we return to a baseline level of happiness.
There’s even a name for the emotional dip that can follow a move: relocation depression. Not everyone experiences it, but it’s worth being aware of. Whether you’re moving to a new city, province, or country, or even just to a new home, it can feel overwhelming. That initial high can quickly turn into anxiety, doubt, or sadness.
I felt this when I left my hometown at 18 to move to Toronto. It was a massive shift from a city of 800,000 to nearly 6 million. I had FOMO watching my friends back home having fun while I was broke and isolated in a basement suite, just hoping things would get better.
Even when I moved to Calgary the first time, it was uncertain. I’d lost my job in Toronto, had nothing lined up, but just had a gut feeling it was the right move. A year later, it didn’t work out…and that’s okay. I realized what felt like failure was actually a strength. I took the risk. I moved, even when people said it was dumb or a waste of money.
It's completely normal to feel off or grieve your old life after a big move. That’s why I say, “Don’t move just because it looks good on paper.” It’s not just about affordability or job opportunities; it’s about lifestyle, connection, and how you actually feel when you're there.
How To Make New Friends As An Adult
One of the biggest challenges is making adult friendships. It doesn't get talked about enough, but it can be really isolating. I made a video about making friends in Calgary, but this applies to any city.
When I first moved to Calgary during the pandemic, everything was shut down. I didn’t have a chance to meet people, and most of my previous friendships were through school. Suddenly, I was in a new city in lockdown with no way to connect. That’s one of the main reasons I left Calgary the first time.
No one teaches you how friendships change in adulthood. When you're younger, you're automatically placed in environments, like school, where everyone’s your age, and doing similar things. But as an adult, the rules change. You have to put yourself out there, make plans, and be intentional.
Of course, our dependence on friendship shifts as we age. People prioritize family, kids, and long-term partners. That’s fair. Priorities evolve. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about friends! It just shifts your energy.
What helped me most was joining clubs (check out Sole Run Club). When I moved back to Calgary, I had a completely different experience thanks to a local run club. I said yes to the invites. I showed up consistently. The key is finding something you love. Something you’d do even if no one else showed up, and sticking with it. Whether it’s running, hiking, volleyball, or a book club, if you show up regularly, you’ll start seeing familiar faces. Over time, consistency builds trust and familiarity. That’s where real friendships start to grow.
Making friends as an adult isn’t easy, but it’s possible when you're intentional and patient.
How Do You Know When You’re Ready To Move?
Let me ask: Do you feel like it’s time to leave your comfort zone? Could leaving actually spark something positive in your life?
The answer depends on two things:
Do you really want to leave?
Are you willing to lean into the discomfort that comes with it?
For me, it would have been so easy to stay in Winnipeg. School was affordable, the cost of living was low, and all my friends and family were there. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t being challenged. I couldn’t accept that just because I was born there, I was meant to stay.
So I left for Toronto when I was 18. I was scared, but I embraced the uncertainty because I believed something better was out there—even if I didn’t know what it was yet.
Now, whether you see me as a realtor, YouTuber (@FrankHuynh), or employee, that fear of starting over doesn’t scare me anymore. I’ve done it with no experience, so doing it again, with a decade of experience, feels possible. That mindset shift changed everything. I don’t define myself by job titles. I know I built a life from scratch. That’s my superpower.
That’s why I always say: if you’re considering a move, see it as an opportunity, not a setback. Worst case, you move back. Sure, your hometown people might have opinions, but they’re not living your life.
There’s more strength in trying and failing than in never trying at all. And I get that some people are tied down by family or finances—those are real limits. But for many, it’s not about ability—it’s about mindset. If you truly want to leave, you probably can. It starts with a willingness to leave your comfort zone.
final takeaway
To wrap up: moving to a new city is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make. It’s normal to go through ups and downs. From my experience, it takes one to two years before a place really feels like home.
And if that new city doesn’t serve you anymore? You can always move back.
I used to get heat from people saying, “Oh Frank, you’re always moving, you must not know what you’re doing.” And sure, maybe they were a little right. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Every move taught me something about myself—what I value, what I like, what I don’t.
Because I’ve lived in different cities across Canada, I feel way more confident choosing Calgary. I’ve seen smaller cities like Winnipeg (great people, but a bit too small for me). I’ve experienced Toronto (endless things to do, but too expensive and hectic). Calgary feels like the right balance.
That said, I can’t say I’ll be in Calgary forever. I intend to stay, but you never know where life leads—and that’s okay!
If you’re thinking about moving and it feels scary, I hope this gave you a bit more reassurance.
Relocating isn’t easy, but you don’t have to figure it out alone. I’ve helped dozens of clients start fresh in Calgary. I’ve got you!